Wednesday, January 23, 2008

all alone

Hubby took Magic Baby with him on his weekly visitation with Big Sister tonight, leaving me all alone. (Tragic, I know.) What do you think I did with my free time? Any guesses? I... (wait for it)... cleaned the house. That's right. No one was home but me and I cleaned the freakin' house. For three hours. (Do me a favor and ignore the fact that my house was dirty enough to necessitate a three hour cleaning. 'K? Thanks.) During this cleaning frenzy, I did a lot of thinking. (Because, really, what else is there to do when you're cleaning?) And I realized a few things.

1. Cleaning sucks. (Pun intended.) There's no other way to look at it. I don't care who you are, neat freak, obsessive-compulsive, whatever. No one actually enjoys cleaning. It's just not possible.
2. You know that lovely saying "A mother's work is never done." Get this, it's true. 'Cos no matter how many freakin' loads of laundry you do, how many times you wash the dishes, how many times you clean the toilet, they're just going to get dirty again. And soon. And that means... you get the joy of cleaning them all over again! I really can't stress how much I hate this aspect of housework. It all seems so futile, don't you think? Some days I really don't even want to bother. Honestly, how did those '50s housewives do it? And in heels and dresses. Hey, maybe that's the secret. Get all dressed up to wash dishes?

Yeah, not working for me either.

3. There is way more to cleaning a house than I thought before I actually owned one. Sure, growing up I did chores and helped out around the house and stuff, but there are things you have to do once the house is actually yours that no one bothers to tell you. These include (but are not limited to):

  • a. Dusting. I always thought dusting was the easy job Mom gave whichever kid was better behaved that week, or the one you could give to the three-year-old so he felt like he was helping, too, but now that the responsibility of cleaning an entire house is mine, I see that if you don't dust at least once in a while, the place gets really dusty. Go figure.
  • b. Changing the sheets. Okay, this one I don't even understand. I mean, 90% of the time all you're doing in bed is sleeping. (Okay, 98% of the time. And you can bet that if I told you you'd never have to change the sheets again if you slept the other 2% of the time, there would be even more women with "headaches" than there are already.) How the hell do the sheets get dirty? You're. Just. Sleeping. And yet, the sheets need to be changed regularly. (Personally, I think this is a conspiracy involving the laundry detergent companies, sheet manufactures and neighborhood Peeping Toms who get their kicks watching people struggle with the stupid fitted sheets, but I digress.)
  • c. Cleaning the windows. I realize I'm saying this as the mother of an almost-two year old who has recently discovered that not only can he climb on the window seat we have, but also that doing so affords him a splendid view of the squirrels in the front yard. (Not to mention that it gives Mommy a heart attack. That's just an added bonus.) Seriously, though, the windows were so smudged we haven't had to close the curtains in weeks, which is probably a good thing since I sewed the curtains myself and they don't really like to be opened and shut a whole lot.

(Hey, did you like my Clever Use of An Outline there? Yep, 18 years of school; don't tell me I'm not putting it to good use.)

And really, this is stuff that has to be done in every house. It's not like I'm a neat freak or anything, just in case the whole 'my house needed to be cleaned for three hours thing' didn't tip you off. If you don't want to look like a slob, you're expected to do these thing. Often. But what can I do? It's either clean it or look like a terrible person. What kind of a choice is that? Although, to be completely honest I have a reputation for looking like a terrible person. A lot.

Anyway, I'm done cleaning now and I'm also done ranting. In the nick of time, too, because Hubby just walked in with the boy. That's okay, though. I have no qualms about knitting while Hubby puts Magic Baby to bed. After all, my housework's done! For now, anyway.

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I'm still looking for some people to agree to take part in the Pay It Forward! Come on people, I know don't have a ton of people who read this blog, but I would feel like a total loser if I couldn't even find three people willing to continue this exchange. (That's right, I'll guilt you if I have to!) So far I have

1. Kathryn

Yeah, that's it. One person. You don't have to knit, you just have to agree to give something handmade to the first three people who respond to your blog post. AND you get something from me. You know you want to...